You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
