can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
