You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize