He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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