Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
