that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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