K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
