I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
