I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
