ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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