Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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