I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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