how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
