ya dads aren't the best wingmen
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
