I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
