I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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