you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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