GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
