Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
