u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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