you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
