11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
