my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
