I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
