well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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