you guys were way drunker than both of me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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