If that was your dad, he is hot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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