I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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