what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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