I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
