So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
