There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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