Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
