he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
