was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's blow job season.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
