i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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