Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
