I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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