hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize