i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
