dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize