I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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