I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
