I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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