so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
