I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize