Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
