Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
