i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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