This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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