I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
