I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
the raccoons are back...
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