Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
