We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
