Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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