NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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