i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
