Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
