oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
