Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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