I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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