you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
