seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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