This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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