as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
