Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
