puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
