Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
