Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
