i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
