dude i'm inner monologue high
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
