so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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