Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
