if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
